BDSM: 8 things you ALWAYS wanted to know (but were too shy to ask)

Gourmandize

Sticks and stones may break our bones, but whips and chains excite us! Here’s everything you’re begging to know about BDSM…

1. BDSM goes back centuries

While the scandal caused by modern films like Secretary and 50 Shades of Grey give the impression that it’s new, BDSM is actually older than your grandpa’s weathered underwear.

The practice can be traced back to some of the world’s oldest texts. In ancient Mesopotamia, a ritual to the goddess Inanna was “imbued with pain… punishment, moaning, ecstasy,” while in ancient Sparta young men were ritually whipped by cult priestesses. Even the even the Kama Sutra outlines the four different kinds of hitting during sex.

2. There are many sides of BDSM

BDSM is defined as: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. While the term BDSM covers wide spectrum of activities, people who enjoy BDSM don’t necessarily do everything — most people just dabble in one aspect.

3. BDSM doesn’t always involve sex

While Hollywood typically depicts BDSM practitioners as raging nymphomaniacs or total perverts, many kinds of BDSM don’t involve sex at all. At its most basic, BDSM is simply the exchange of power and control.

4. BDSM is MORE COMMON THAN YOU THINK

Recent studies show that 64.6% of women and 53.3% of men had fantasies about being dominated sexually. Most people have engaged in some form of BDSM: experts claim that one in five couples dabble, while one in twenty get involved in serious play.

5. BDSM practitioners are neither abused, nor abusive

It’s commonly believed that adult preference for BDSM is the result of childhood abuse, but research shows this to be false. It’s also widely assumed that those who enjoy BDSM have psychological problems, but surprisingly studies indicate that they are more extroverted, less neurotic, and report a greater sense of well-being.

6. Communication and safety are KEY

Many people think BDSM is all about pain and abuse, but in fact the movement’s mantra is “safe, sane, and consensual.” Before venturing into any kind of play, individuals must thoroughly communicate their boundaries in order to develop a mutually safe and trusting environment. Nothing is allowed without consent.

7. 50 Shades is NOT real BDSM

Despite hugely popular mainstream success, 50 Shades of Grey has been largely criticized by members of the BDSM community for depicting an abusive, non-informed and non-consensual relationship.

Likewise, the infamous 17th century French aristocrat Marquis de Sade is heralded for inventing Sadism — however his classic novel Justine involves sex that is almost purely non-consensual.

8. There is plenty of great BDSM out there

You don’t have to sit through cheesy films or plunge face-first into some leather-clad gimp’s creepy sex dungeon — there’s plenty of great BDSM media to ease you into it. For a throwback to the beginning, check out Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch’s classic novel, Venus in Chains.

Do you play any power games in the bedroom? 

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